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VivianBishopxo: Where to start...

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Where to start...

This post has been a long time coming and a really hard one to write. As you may or may not have noticed my absence has lasted about a month now in the blogging world. I've thought many times about just hopping back into normal posts, but I felt that would be a lie and a huge part of my life that I would avoid talking about. Maybe, just maybe if one person reads this and it can help them or we can relate to each other then that will make it worth it to me.

Joe and I found out we we're expecting a few months ago. I would've been due in November.

We have known that we have wanted children for a long time. We've been together for almost six years now and we knew that once we were married we would be happy at any point that we were blessed with a baby. Well, that time came and we couldn't have been anymore excited. Not many people knew yet because we have struggled with fertility issues before and I was really scared that something could happen. I wanted to get through that first ultrasound and that's when we would tell our extended family.

Because this isn't a pregnancy announcement, I can imagine that you can already guess why I'm posting this. They couldn't find a heartbeat and life has pretty much been a blur since. I won't get into details but it was a very hard few weeks. It still is. I am just barley getting myself back into my routine. Sometimes I forget about the hurt for a little bit, and other days it's all I can really think about. Most people still don't know what happened and I really do try my best to put a smile on my face and push through my hardest days, but sometimes it's just hard.

Through good times and bad, through sickness and health, those are the things Joe and I promised to each other at our wedding and I can't even explain how amazing my husband is. I think that through these trials your relationship can crumble or it can become stronger. I am thankful that through this we can cry and be sad together, but also count our blessings and look forward to the future.

I've seen so many brave ladies that are able to write and share their health issues and struggles. Reading their posts have helped me in so many ways that they don't even know. I want to get back into my regular postings, and I will but I just felt that coming back wouldn't feel right if I couldn't share this. I finally decided I would sit down and write this because maybe this post is more for me, I hope that next year I will be able to look back on this and be thankful that I was brave enough to share my story.

These next few weeks will be filled with doctors appointments to get some testing done. We could really use some prayers and good thoughts as we move forward.

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At April 30, 2015 at 8:20 AM , Blogger Megan Ruth said...

Thinking of you both, well done for writing such a hard post. All the best for the future xx

At April 30, 2015 at 11:27 AM , Blogger Morgan Sparks said...

Vivian, I am so sorry to hear this. As someone who also struggled to conceive, I understand a small sliver of what you are going through. Rejoice in knowing that your sweet baby is celebrating in heaven with the Lord. I'm sending you lots of hugs and prayers now and through the weeks to come. I truly hope that you get some answers from doctors in the next few weeks as you begin to go through testing. I'm here if you need a friend to talk to.

At April 30, 2015 at 7:55 PM , Blogger Christie Brown said...

Oh Vivian! I'm so sorry.
I lost my baby sister a few years back. I'm sure it doesn't compare to what you and Joe are feeling; just know I understand, even a tiny bit, what your life is like right now. I'm thinking of you both, and sending my best wishes your way.

I've been reading your blog for a while now, and I just want to say how very proud I am of you for writing this post.

Much love.
Christie. xx
Christie's Take on Life.

At May 1, 2015 at 11:42 AM , Blogger Macy said...

My heart is breaking for you and Joe. I have missed you so much, and something like this has never crossed my mind. I am so so sorry you have had to go through such difficult times right now. I know it has to be so difficult, especially when the two of you deserve a little bundle of joy. Trials such as these will be the building blocks to an even better future, I know that is not something you want to hear now. God has a plan, and whatever that plan may be will eventually come to light. I will be praying for you like crazy, and thinking of you often. Love you <3

At May 6, 2015 at 3:40 PM , Blogger Emilie Talks said...

I don't know why I haven't seen this post before but I want to tell you that I'm very sorry for you loss. It must be so hard. I'm sending you all of my positive energyxxx


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